honest advice from honestly nice people
If you read the title of this post, then you should know by now that I have some experience with long distance. Expect this post to have a little bit of our story, some relatable comments, and some tips to hopefully make the distance with your person just a little more bearable.
My name is Annie. I am in a tree. I like drawing dogs and experiencing the world. I like being barefoot and really can’t stand spotty wifi. I’m a computer science student and a die-hard people person. I’m not a writer and this post is all over the place.
The next person I'll introduce is Nathan:
He’s my boyfriend. He likes coming up with new ideas and is passionate about education. He can whistle and dance pretty good, and he really likes peach rings.
When Nathan and I first found out that we would be doing long distance, some friends gave us a piece of advice (that we didn't listen to at first)...
Let it fail on it's own.
This is to those of you in relationships that may be getting ready to be long distance. (Looking at you, Baylor freshmen). My advice is that you shouldn’t break up just because you’re leaving high school, or any other situation. There may be other factors involved in your decision, and if that’s the case, go for it - but don’t end something just because you THINK it might not work. You might be wrong.
Nathan is currently a grad student at Syracuse University in upstate New York. When we found out he would be going 1,604 miles away, we figured we should break up, right? (At the time, it made perfect sense). The day he left was also the day we ended our relationship. For about 10 days.
And so begins the first long distance relationship either of us had been in!
As he sits next to me this very moment in the Garden Level of Moody Library, I think back to the different moments over the past ~year and am actually thankful for the time we’ve spent apart. It makes the time together that much more significant.
Nathan and I are very “present” people. We didn’t think we’d be able to give enough time to each other if we weren’t physically together. That was proven very wrong with the number of hours we spent on Facetime during the first semester he was gone.
AnoTHER important thing to remember:
Your relationship doesn't have to look like something specific.
While Nathan and I might videochat every day, another relationship might look totally different. You and your person might decide to text more often or send memes, or have a weekly date night, or exclusively write snail mail letters to each other. Comparison is the thief of joy.
Pro tip: have something of the other person’s that you can hug. Like, a jacket, or a stuffed animal they gave you or something. You’ll miss them but hugs make it better. Better yet, hug your friends. Oxytocin all around.
Another pro tip: keep busy. You can’t miss them much if you’re involved in where you are. Plus, then you’ll have all sorts of fun adventures to share with them!
Another thing, be affirming. With distance, it’s good to remind them that you like ‘em, even if you think they already know.
Messages like these go a long way.
(on the girl’s side at least)
(I don’t know how males deal with long distance)
(go ask Nathan about that)
Oh SNAP and the most important thing OVER-COMMUNICATE OUT THE WAZOO. If you even have an inkling of being upset at something, don’t just sit there and think about it for three hours. Let the person know immediately and have that tough conversation sooner rather than later.
HERE IS A GREAT TOOL FOR LONG DISTANCING
Rabb.it is a web app and mobile app that lets you WATCH ANYTHING WITH YOUR FRIENDS. Need to catch up on Netflix? Wanna watch that funny Youtube video? Want to listen to Spotify together? It’s media and video chatting ALL IN ONE.
And if you want to invite more friends YOU CAN DO THAT TOO.
IT’S ONE OF THE MOST MAGICAL THINGS.
Alright, got distracted. It’s seriously so cool. That’s all.
Sigh, at the end of the day, it can be hard sometimes, but you’ll always have people around you to be there for you during the days when you’re feeling lonely. Your boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t your whole life, and in my opinion, some long-distance time can be really healthy for a relationship - it makes you spend more time with your friends, it improves your ability to communicate (if you work on that ability, that is), and it makes time with your person that much sweeter.
Whether you’re in a LDR, about to be in one, or you’ve never been in a relationship and you’re reading this either because you’re a romantic or you know me and you’re being a supportive friend: life is good, and God is good. Relationships are fun but don’t define your life.
If you want to talk about life, or relationships, or Baylor, or sketchy restaurants, message me. I love meeting new friends.
Sic ‘em Bears from Nathan and I!
(bonus content clicky clicky)